she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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