I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
