I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
