2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
