This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
