so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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