It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
