last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
