Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
