I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bring me that man meat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
