it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
