I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
