My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
