I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
