we have officially lost it.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
