they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
