HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
As shirtless as possible
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
