Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
