You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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