i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
