And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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