my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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