she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
