And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
