There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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