Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
