I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
