My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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