you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
