so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
