he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.