I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?