the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?