The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies