If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
only you would photoshop your dick
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.