If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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