I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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