I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
