4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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