Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
