He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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