suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
