You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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