If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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