Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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