not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
