JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
