Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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