He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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