Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
