does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
