Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
