life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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