I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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