We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
