I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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