Yo dont text me then not text me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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