just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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