We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
