You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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