Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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