don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
