you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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