the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
