Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
