i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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