sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
